Heartbreak Hotel

For well over two decades I'd been convinced Mötley Crüe's cover of "Jailhouse Rock" would never be surpassed for Worst Elvis Cover Ever. Actually, much as I hated it, I was impressed by it, in a way: before hearing it, I'd thought it was, like "Louie Louie," that rare song so impossibly strong it'd be impossible to screw up. The Crüe done proved me wrong.

And then I heard this...thing. I don't know how I missed it at the time, but I'm surely glad I did. When the very best part of the entire monstrosity is the sight of Arsenio Hall raising an arm in triumph, you know it's what professional musicians refer to as "not good."

Now compare and contrast with this cover. Surely John Cale is nowhere near the sheer vocalist Axl Rose is. Both covers feature outstanding guitarists—Mike Campbell for the Petty/Rose performance, Andy Summer for Cale's. And frankly it's not like Cale's version is short on its ridiculous elements: either the trucker hat or the bowtie would be potentially embarrassing but together they should be beyond mortifying. Add in Cale's faceplant and it could easily have been a hot mess. Instead, it's riveting, disturbing and ramps up the darkness that was always obviously present—a major component, in fact—in Presley's version. It's exactly what a cover should be in the same way the Rose fiasco isn't.

Addendum thanks to the redoubtable Chris Barton via the comments:

Two drummers. They had two drummers. On this. Because Willie Nelson + Leon Russell + Mickey Raphael + Mickey Raphael's hair wasn't quite enough. 

Patience

These guys were the biggest band in the world for a while.

Sweet Child o' Mine

Yep yep yep yep yep.

I really want a video of Slash or Duff watching this for the first time.

Come Together

I'm always surprised to rediscover what a fine harmony vocalist Bruce Springsteen is. You wouldn't think it'd be an especially well-used weapon in his arsenal, given how long he's been the unquestioned leader of his own band and/or a solo artist. But homeboy can harmonize.

Apparently, Rod Stewart and Elton John were supposed to perform this, but Stewart wasn't able to make the show, so at the last minute, the producers asked Springsteen...who declined. They went to Rose, who then talked Springsteen into it. Not damn bad for no rehearsal. It was also the last time Rose performed in public for six years. Pretty okay way to go out.

And who in 1988 would have expected to ever see the singers of "Welcome to the Jungle" and "One Step Up" happily performing together?

Sweet Child o' Mine

I love covers. I like decent covers, I love good covers, I adore great covers beyond all reasoning.

I'm not sure this is a cover. This is...you know what, I don't care what this is. This is great is what this is. I realized about fifteen seconds in I was grinning and when it really kicked into gear—you'll know what I mean when you listen—I actually laughed out loud.

So. Awesome.

Sweet Child o' Mine

So this comes on.

The 6-year-old, who'd been utterly immersed in her coloring, immediately gets down and, without a word, begins running back and forth in the kitchen, occasionally leaping as far and as gracefully as she can. The 9-year-old comes in and listens a moment, then says, "What's this song called?" Such is the power of rock and roll.

Axl Rose may be a nutjob and a d-bag and the Gunners may have quickly flamed out but that all pales in comparison to the majesty and the glory of Slash's guitar on this song, in the solo, yes, but primarily on the song's main riff. Sure, they had other popular songs and albums but nothing will ever touch this—but, then, nothing ever needs to.

These days the band may very well be known more for their poseur histrionics than their music, and while that's entirely their own damn fault, it's also a shame. Because the first thing people should always think of when they think of Guns N' Roses should be this: guitar writing and playing so magnificent it could have made even Jimmy Page or Jimi Hendrix proud.